genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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