Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
