I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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