I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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