So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
