I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I am morally bankrupt
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
