the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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