There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
