Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
