I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
