Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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