You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
