At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
