I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
