Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
