I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
