I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
