she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
