bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
