If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
only if we run a train.
done.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
