were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
