EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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