Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My vagina is very pro this idea
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
