She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
