She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
