Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
