When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
