His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
