Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
