i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
