Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
