Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're so nebulous sometimes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
