my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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