Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
