Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
