Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
