omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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