She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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