Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
