Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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