and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
