you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I want a musical about memes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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