If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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