During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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