I cockslap morals
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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