I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
