What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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