why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
