is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
