i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
