I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
