He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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