WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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