the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
