he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
